My Girlfriend Has Feelings For Her Work Friend

Tuesday | February 21, 2017

Love Letters Relationships

My Girlfriend Has Feelings For Her Work Friend

I’ve been dating my girlfriend for about two years, the last six months of which have been long-distance (she took a year-long job three hours away). About two months ago she told me that a work colleague had been making passes at her. She has a flirtatious personality that can be easily mistaken for genuine interest. She rebuffed his advances, letting him know that she was in a happy relationship and had no interest in pursuing a romantic relationship with him. However, this guy wouldn’t stop. Despite my girlfriend’s rejections, he continued to confess his “love” for her. I told her that she should think about cutting off contact with him. However she refused, insisting that this guy was her best friend at work, and that she would continue to parry his romantic overtures. Although I wasn’t a fan of this strategy, I trusted her; I didn’t want to give her an ultimatum.

Last weekend she told me she had started to develop feelings for this guy – that his persistence had started to wear her down. She said she hadn’t acted on these feelings, but that she had thought about being with him. I flipped out. She insisted that she still loved me, that she wasn’t interested in this guy. I’m not sure what to do going forward. I want to still trust her, but this experience has shaken my trust. I suggested to her that I should speak with this stage-five clinger (I sometimes see him when I visit ). But she made clear that she would be mortified if I did so. What should I do?

– What now?

Of course you’ve lost trust. She told you she wasn’t interested in this man, but then said she’d developed feelings for him because he wore her down. How do you know he won’t wear her down again? What is she doing to protect your relationship? The guy is not a “stage-five clinger” if she hasn’t told him to leave her alone.

If she were the person who’d written me a letter, I’d ask her why she thinks this workplace friendship is healthy, and how she’d feel if her own partner had a similar office companion. I’d also ask whether she still wants to be in an exclusive relationship. Perhaps the temporary job has shown her that she doesn’t want that kind of commitment right now.

You should ask her some of those questions, if you haven’t already. You should also think about how you can be comfortable with the status quo over the next six months. I don’t like ultimatums, but you have to consider what kind of relationship will make you happy. If you want real boundaries and exclusivity – and she doesn’t – you have to let go.

– Meredith

Readers? Is this just a temporary crush? How can this work for another six months?

Cheating Office Crush Relationships

Featured Comment

The fact that she repeatedly tells you about this guy instead of telling him to back off or lose their friendship makes me think your relationship with her is winding down. Even if she comes back to town 6 months later and nothing happened with this guy, your relationship with her will be different, and not it a good way. Sorry.

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