Maintaining A Work Marriage

Friday | December 23, 2016

Love Letters Relationships

Maintaining A Work Marriage

I’ve posted a non-love letter today, sort of. Enjoy. We’ll take Monday off for the holiday. Have a great weekend.

I’ve had a work spouse for years. Our actual spouses know about our friendship and have approved (less complaining about work drama at home), and we’ve all socialized from time to time, so it’s all above board.

Recently, though, I feel as if the relationship has changed. Fewer texts, less time together – it seems most communication is really about work and nothing else. I’m missing the rest of our relationship – the banter, the checking up on each other. If this were a romantic relationship, it would be time for a serious talk about where we stand, but that’s not what we have so that seems out of place and even over the line. I don’t want to lose this relationship. How do I navigate the “is this a break” talk with a colleague, not a romantic partner? Or do I let it lie and possibly watch it die?

– Not ready for a divorce

Relationships must evolve, even the ones at work. At some point, the honeymoon phase ends, and you have to decide whether you want to become more – or less.

Years ago, when I met the person who became my closest friend in the office (many would call him a work spouse, but I sort of hate that term), we texted a lot, checked in all day, and made complicated plans for lunch. Then, over time, we took it to the next level. And by that I mean I got to know his wife and kids, and we all hung out with my family. Without that growth, I just don’t know that we would have been able to text about little work issues forever. I think we would have hit some kind of work-spouse wall.

If you miss this guy, invite him and his spouse to do something with you and yours. If he doesn’t seem interested, you do have to let it die. If he does accept the invitation, remember that the goal is to turn him into a real, outside-of-work friend – because it’s time.

– Meredith

Readers? Should she ask him why his behavior has changed?

Office Relationships