He’s Always Playing Pokémon Go

Thursday | September 22, 2016

Love Letters Relationships

He’s Always Playing Pokémon Go

We chat at 1 p.m. Also, I suppose this letter was inevitable.

Hi Meredith,

I feel like this is a ridiculous problem to have, but I need some advice from you and your readers. My husband and I are in our late 30s with three children. He has taken to playing Pokémon Go to excess. He has the app open while he’s driving, and will put the phone in his lap and repeatedly look down at it. It’s distracted driving, but he honestly doesn’t see the problem with it because he doesn’t think he’s distracted. All I am is a huge nag because I have repeatedly told him to stop.

He is also often on his phone reading news, etc., while he’s around me and the kids. He can’t just be there with us without having the phone, too. It bothers me so much that he would risk the safety of the kids and me in the car because of a stupid video game. I also am sick of looking at him at the table, on the couch, or in bed with his phone in front of his face. He’s not the best conversationalist to begin with, and constantly being buried in his phone isn’t helping that. It’s actually hurting our relationship, and talking/asking nicely/yelling about it hasn’t helped. Any advice?

– Annoyed

This sounds like a cell phone addiction, which is a real thing. Your problem isn’t ridiculous at all, and you should take it seriously.

Prioritize the safety of your children by letting your husband know that you and the kids will not be passengers in his car unless his phone in in the back seat. You can’t control what he does when you’re not there, but you can decide who rides in the car and when.

You should also negotiate some rules before you start an activity. Maybe before leaving the house to take a walk around the neighborhood, let him know you’d like all phones to be left inside. Setting boundaries ahead of time can be much easier than nagging in the moment.

If he won’t compromise, even for a simple activity like a walk, you must consider couples therapy to talk about his lack of interest in preserving the health of your marriage and family. Because from the start, this conflict been about so much more than catching Pokémon.

– Meredith

Readers? How would you talk to the husband?

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Featured Comment

Does this behavior happen just with you, or with everyone else in his life, too? Do your children notice and feel ignored? Is his work impacted? Does he even acknowledge your concerns? I’m sure you’ve had the adult conversation several times and feel like a broken record, so if it’s truly an issue (safety and relationship-wise,) I’d ask him to get some objective feedback from other people in his life. Maybe that will provide a much-needed dopeslap. If not, ask him to go to a marriage counselor with you. Mean business!

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