I Think I Need To Be With More Women

Monday | August 29, 2016

Love Letters Relationships

I Think I Need To Be With More Women

Hi Meredith,

I’m a 28-year-old guy in serious relationship with the only woman I’ve ever had sex with. We met two and a half years ago. Anyway, the issue is pretty simple on the surface: my girlfriend and I are planning on moving in together and I have been battling worries and fears about whether it’s the right move.

The reasons for those fears and worries aren’t as simple, and I’m not sure I totally understand it, but at some level it mainly has to do with my fear that I have not had the experiences I need to have, namely sexually. I love my girlfriend, and there is no one else I want to be with in serious relationship with, but I am still constantly wondering what it would be like to be with other women or how I’d be now if I’d taken advantage of opportunities I had earlier in my life. I can’t help but wonder if I truly know what I want in a relationship and a partner since I’ve only ever been with her. I thought these worries and concerns would recede as our relationship got more serious, but instead, if anything, they’ve intensified. I don’t know if it’s just noise and I’m freaking myself out, or whether it’s something really I need to deal with, perhaps by putting the brakes on the moving in.

Hoping you can shed a little light on this.

– Feeling confused and uncertain

You shouldn’t move in. Not with these kind of doubts.

You also shouldn’t maintain the status quo. If you decide not to move in, you must be open to leaving the relationship. You can’t make sense of these fears and desires if you’re still committed to one person. Your girlfriend is going to want to know why you’re stalling the move, and you’ll have to tell her. This decision will probably mean going your separate ways.

I wish I could tell you that it’s just noise. I mean, maybe it is, but the noise is loud, so how can you ignore it? Some people can make peace with coupling up before they’ve had much experience. They know they’ve found something great, so it’s probably worth preserving. But that’s not you. You say you love your girlfriend, but not enough to accept that you’ll miss out on others. Be good to her and tell her what’s on your mind, sooner than later.

– Meredith

Readers? Should he move in? Do they have to break up?

Living Together Relationships

Featured Comment

You say it’s about lack of sexual experience, but you also say that it’s about whether you even know what a relationship should feel like. That second part tells me that you already know the relationship maybe isn’t the best. Wanting sexual diversity is a red herring here. Do not move in together. Figure out what you think is lacking in your current relationship and see if the issue is fixable. If not, break up.

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