Readers Say

‘Sorry, but you are in charge of this story’: Our favorite Love Letters comments

Commenters offer some great advice. We all notice.

By Meredith Goldstein

1 minute to read

Before we give you the roundup of some of the top comments featured in January, I want to disclose: I met a frequent commenter in person this month.

I will not reveal said person, but when they approached me in the real world and said, “I’m so-and-so from the comments section” – and then we chatted for a bit – I was reminded that the world is small, people can be nice and helpful, and that we are all connected in weird ways we might not know.

That’s my deep thought for the day. To that person: thanks for saying hello. It made my month.

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Of course, comments are best when we get letters to think about. Send your anonymous question here. Tell us what’s on your mind, and you’ll help others wondering the same thing.

5. ‘I can’t stop thinking about my boyfriend from college’

Featured Comment

“Your unconscious mind is using the image of this guy to tell you something, and specifically it’s kicking up feelings of sadness. You didn’t actually ask any questions, but I think it would help you if you could work out what you feel so sad about (and it’s not him). Maybe there’s a part of you that already knows, but you’re rejecting it. Maybe you think it’s about your marriage, but it might not be that. Maybe it’s about your lost youth, your lost freedom, an absence of passion at this point in your life, or some other loss you suffered. If you can’t work this out yourself, then therapy is a safe, effective place to do that.”

OutOfOrder Share Thoughts

4. ‘Dating apps are terrible in college’

Featured Comment

“You are in COLLEGE. You are surrounded by people who want to date. Trust me, it will never be this easy again to consistently meet people. Start talking to people in your classes, people you actually know and have some common ground with. Join clubs, go to parties. The more you focus on expanding your friendship/acquaintance circle, the more likely you are to meet someone naturally.”

dangleparticiple Share Thoughts
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3. ‘I feel a deep connection outside of my marriage‘

Featured Comment

“Sorry, but you are in charge of this story you are telling yourself. You need to change the story. It’s not destiny, it’s not someone from a past life, it’s not about locking eyes and seeing into someone’s soul. It’s just not. Move on. You are so fortunate to have a strong and loving marriage. Don’t mess it up.”

MaryorRhoda Share Thoughts

2. ‘I was blindsided by the marriage proposal’

Featured Comment

“The fallacy that people often fall for is that if you’re working on yourself you can’t be in a relationship. This is false. In this letter, when LW says she needs to work on herself I think she’s saying she wants her partner to work on himself, like she expects some perfect guy to wake up next to her one day.

LW, you should end this and let this guy find someone who actually appreciates him and accepts him for who he is and understands that no one is perfect. No matter what he does or says, it’s never going to be enough for you. It’s cruel to leave him hanging so just say No and move on with your lives separately.”

surferrosa Share Thoughts

1. ‘How do I tell my husband the marriage is over?’

Featured Comment

“You said that he ‘adores’ you and that he’s got a pretty sweet gig of staying home and not working. I don’t think there’s any way you can deliver the news that won’t feel like a complete heartbreak. Apart from not attacking him, owning your part, and pointing to compatibility problems rather than character deficits, I don’t think there’s much more you can do to soften things. If you tried, it would come across as patronizing or sugar-coating.”

bonecold Share Thoughts

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