‘We Are On Pace To Have Sex Four Times This Year’

Wednesday | July 20, 2016

Love Letters Marriage

‘We Are On Pace To Have Sex Four Times This Year’

Lots of people not having sex these days. Also, we chat at 1 p.m.

I have an issue. I have been married for less than 10 years now and my wife can’t stand the sight of me. She claims she loves me, but any thought of physical contact is annoying to her. We have a child and I spend time with both of them. I take time out of my work to assist with the raising of our child and treat them really well. I am not proclaiming to be a saint, nor do I want to be, but I need some acknowledgement here and there.

My wife is gorgeous and I am completely enamored by her every day. I don’t think that I am disgusting to look at, but apparently she does think that. Is it possible that she has something on the side? The physical part of the relationship is important, I think, but she does not apparently think the same. I bring it up and try to talk about it, but she just says “I will work on it,” and “I don’t think about it,” but I don’t believe it anymore.

I understand that it is not the same when you are married and have children, but we are on pace to have sex four times this year. I have never cheated, nor would I. But a man has a breaking point, and I can still take care of my daughter without her as a wife. I just don’t want to. Any thoughts?

– 4x

I’ll recommend two things: lots of couples therapy and a visit with a medical doctor. A therapist can help you figure out what’s happening in your heads, and a medical doctor can help determine whether there’s anything affecting her sex drive. The point is, you need specialists and experts. If your wife is not open to getting help, that’s the deal-breaker. Remind her that you love her and that you’re not looking to place blame.

Once you get into therapy, you can ask your wife whether she wants to be married. Sure, she loves you, but what do you share beyond your kid? What does your wife need from the marriage? Is she really satisfied? If you both have a lists of wants when you go in for help, it makes it easier to have the discussion.

– Meredith

Readers? Should he be concerned that she’s having an affair? Can a marriage survive this?

Sex 🖤 Marriage

Featured Comment

Lots about how good she looks and a sentence about how you help with your child and ‘treat them really well.’ There is nothing about how much you work on your relationship with your wife (do you take time to go on dates alone, buy her flowers, try to spend time with her vs just being physically in the same room?). Something tells me that her point of view might be very different from yours. But then again, she might not be into you. You need an objective professional with an unbiased opinion.

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