This is so good! You know the problem and want to fix it.

You didn’t mention therapy in this letter. Maybe you’re already seeing a mental health professional, but if not, find an appointment. A therapist can help you change patterns and put some distance between you and your parents.

Call a few specialists and tell them your goals. Ask them if they’re the kind of person who can help you change your perspective.

This will also be about practice. For example, in my life, I want to worry less, which isn’t easy. Once I jump on the hamster wheel of worry, it’s hard to get off. But sometimes, instead of listing the things that could go wrong, I start reminding myself of what’s gone right.

There are a bunch of unexpected, wonderful things that have happened in my life, and I will pass right by them and say, “What terrible thing is coming?” But lately I’ve been forcing myself to stop and pay attention to the good. Sometimes I even write it all down.

I get very cynical about things like gratitude journals, but there’s a reason people like them. Imagine documenting a bunch of positive things about your life – and your husband. What if you were inspired to notice all that’s great about him, in an organized way? 

“In many ways, it’s been a great marriage.” That was one line, with no explanation. Look around for tools (like a journal) that will give you space to expand. There are so, so many. Now that I’ve shopped a bit, this cover might speak to you.

Good for you for wanting to make things better.

– Meredith