Eight years into my marriage, I became concerned about my husband’s reaction to my pregnancy. I assured him that I was prepared to stay home with our baby so he could continue his work and professional training, which was important. Unfortunately, I suffered postpartum depression and realized I missed working.

With help from mental health professionals, I returned to work part-time, arranged for part-time child care, and still cared for everything in the home. My return to work was a blessing. However, my husband became closed off, distant, overly involved in his work.

I met a single man at my company. We were from the same state, enjoyed the same hobbies, and clicked on so many fronts. There was intense chemistry between us – hard to ignore. I had to move away due to my husband’s training and felt ignored for a number of years. I did my best as a wife and a mother. But my “tank” of love and attention was being emptied rapidly.

Unbeknownst to me, my husband began an affair. I also had a fight with cancer going on at the time and didn’t have the strength to deal with the betrayal properly. My former work colleague contacted me from time to time for years. We became very close, but I knew our relationship was complicated and troubled.

At some point, I was going to be on my own for a few days – without my family – and invited him to stay with me. I knew it was wrong. But during that visit, he admitted he loved me. Then he left me without further explanation. I was so confused! He got married two years later and I did not hear for him for years, but he got divorced because of his wife’s repeated affairs. Eventually he met someone else, but he didn’t tell me that – I found out in other ways. They’ve been together for many years.

Occasionally he still emails me with his personal feelings. He’ll talk about “silent but significant conversations” he has with me in his head. I don’t think my “friend” – with whom I share deep affection – means to hurt me. But it took him a long time to mention his relationship with his new partner.

I’ve shut off any further communication with him. But truly, I am left mystified as to what he wanted and what he gained from his connection with me.

What the heck was this? Did he care for me or did he play me? He has stayed in touch with me for years.

– Years