I have been with my boyfriend for two years now. About 10 months into the relationship, he took a job out of state. The East Coast, to be more specific. (I’m currently on the West Coast where I was born and raised.) Over the last 14 months, we have alternated visits to see each other. As you can imagine, the distance is becoming a strain on the relationship. We’ve always discussed the fact that at some point I would need to be the one to move, as his job is not something he can find anywhere.

About five months ago, we began having more serious conversations about my big move. We said early on that neither one of us wanted to live with someone before we were engaged. However, because of the long-distance situation, his opinion about that has changed, although mine has stayed the same. He wants me to move with in with him. He wants to do so prior to an engagement because he said he wants to have a “normal” relationship again before he takes that step. The problem is, I still feel strongly about being engaged first and planning for a wedding before cohabitation. My reasons include my faith and family values, as well as statistics on those who live together before marriage. I feel that to move all the way across the country and change my whole life around, I should have some commitment from him for our future. To his credit, he has said that he wants to marry me and have a family with me, however he doesn’t want to propose until I am there. He doesn’t give a timeline either on when it would happen, just that it would because thats what he wants. To me that isn’t enough.

I feel that if he can say he wants me to be his wife and mother of his children, then he shouldn’t need to test the waters, especially when he knows how I feel about it. I don’t know if I am being unreasonable. Should I compromise my beliefs and just move and hope he proposes?

– At a crossroads