I’ve been with my husband for 25 years and I think I am having an emotional affair. We recently moved to a new city for a job opportunity for my husband, which has worked out great for him (and OK for me, I found a new job too, albeit part time). Our children are in college, so the timing worked out well for our entire family. My husband landed the job right before quarantine and spent a few months living with extended family in his new location while I stayed home to manage the logistics of the move. During that time, I was working from home and got into the habit of daily texts and weekly phone calls with one of my good friends from the office, who was struggling through a family member’s illness with COVID-19. We were already close at work, with daily chats and the occasional hangout after work or during lunch (although platonic, the term “work wife” comes to mind!) I think the isolation of quarantine, coupled with each of our personal struggles (his family illness, my impending move) brought us even closer. We are both married and prioritize our families above all else, which is one of the many things I admire and respect about him.

Fast forward six months and my husband and I have settled into our new home in a new state. While he is thriving at work, I’m still feeling lonely and isolated. I work remotely at my new job, and although I know one day this will change, I’m finding it hard to feel any sense of belonging here. Although we found a nice place to live, the pandemic has really reduced my neighborhood interactions to a safely distant “hello” while walking the dog. I miss the family and friends we left behind, and although we stay in close touch, it’s just not the same.

During all this, I’m still texting my former co-worker daily, and we make it a point to chat every week by phone, Zoom, or FaceTime. I find myself increasingly reliant on these interactions to make my life feel “normal,” and often think of him first when I have a funny or interesting story to share. We share the same sense of humor and he’s one of the few people I can really go to for life advice (while my husband is a great guy, he suffers from anxiety, so I’m often the “calm” one who has to soothe his worries). We’ve admitted that we are each other’s best friend, and joked that we’re somehow secretly related because we are so similar. Although everything is strictly platonic (and my friend is much better at establishing those boundaries than I am) I find myself deleting texts or emails that might come across as flirtatious, even though most of these exchanges were done in jest.

Meanwhile, I’m marginally happy in a mediocre marriage. Although we still get along as well as we ever have, there is no intimacy anymore, and I find it increasingly difficult to talk about the things that are bothering me since I don’t want to rain on the parade that he’s enjoying in our new life here. I find myself thinking more and more about my old work friend, and turning to him first if I need a mood boost during the day. My friend’s wife is a dynamo and I know he loves her dearly, so there’s no temptation of an affair, and I don’t even think I’m attracted to him. But I have definitely become emotionally attached, bordering on inappropriately so. I don’t know how to let go without hurting both my friend and myself, since it’s a very lonely time for me right now.

— Lost In Relocation