Something Is Off About Our Relationship

Wednesday | November 11, 2015

Love Letters Marriage

Something Is Off About Our Relationship

We chat at 1 p.m. Also, if you owe me a self-help book review, get going on that.

How do you know when something isn’t right? I’ve been with a guy for 3.5 years now. Engaged for almost one year. I can’t explain what or why, but something always feels slightly off. We have a ton of fun, I love him, and I trust him entirely. I can’t figure out what or why, but there’s a disconnect that I can’t shake.

I started dating him very quickly after I broke up with my ex (I didn’t grieve the relationship until later). That ex was my first love. It was a six-year relationship with very intense highs and lows. It ended twice, both times based on cheating. This man broke my heart twice and I’m unsure if I ever fully recovered from it. Regardless, I want to recover from it. It’s frustrating that I can’t give myself entirely to my fiancé based on something I can’t even understand. I know I love him and feel he’s the best man I’ve ever met, I just don’t know how to let go of certain things and open up to others. I just want to shut the door to my past entirely and breathe.

– Something’s off

This seems to be “recommend therapy” week at Love Letters. That’s where you should be right now – in the office of a professional, talking about that breakup. You’ve made it clear that your issues with your fiancé might be all about your own past. You need a safe place to figure out whether that’s true.

While you’re there, talk about the marriage thing, because the engagement might be making a stressful situation even worse. We’ve had a lot of letters lately from people who have accepted proposals, even though they’re not ready to commit. If the idea of promising forever isn’t appealing right now, talk to your fiancé about your timeline. You shouldn’t be planning a wedding if you’re trying to figure out what you really want.

Readers? Is this about her own issues – or is it possible that she’s not that into her current relationship?

– Meredith

Marriage

Featured Comment

u0022LW, listen to that feeling.nnIf nothing else, the fact that you’ve felt something was off for 3.5 years and weren’t able to mention it to your fiance says that you probably shouldn’t be getting married right now.u0022 — Just-Another-Bostonian

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