My boyfriend of two and a half years just got a job in another country. We are both so excited because this is his dream job, a step up, and in a city we both would love to live in. We’ve dreamed about this for about a year and have talked about moving abroad together. We’ve lived together for a year and a half, have traveled the world, met each other’s parents, and we love each other.

But now that this job offer is finally here, I’m suddenly very anxious.

He has told me he wouldn’t mind getting “fake married,” as some as his friends have done, in order for us to stay together and move to another country. He has said, “It’s great — my new company will give you benefits as my partner without us having to get married!” He keeps mentioning how his other good friends got “fake married” before they had real weddings, but these couples did that when they were very young, right out of college, when they were in need of green cards.

We are both in our early 30s now, and I’m beginning to feel insulted that he’s acting like we’re 22-year-olds and need more time before we get “really married” (which he says he wants eventually — but it’s starting to feel like no time soon). The problem for me is that in order to follow him, I need to quit my job and leave a beautiful city that I love for an exciting yet unknown future with him and no real commitment.

We finally talked about it (it being marriage) and he was incredibly upset I brought it up and very defensive. He said things like, “I didn’t realize you were that much of a princess,” which was a slap in the face for me, who just wants to “really” marry the man I love. He said I was putting on a lot of “pressure” to get married, when I was only trying to discuss it and our future openly and honestly before this major life move. It’s very clear to me he isn’t ready and wants to see how it goes (possibly indefinitely!), but I am ready and am upset he can’t make the grand gesture if he wants me to go with him.

I’m really conflicted because the man I love is asking me to give up everything for him, but doesn’t want our commitment to be “real.” Am I a fool for wanting a stronger commitment? Is love enough for me to quit my job, my city, and friends?

– Torn