Dear Meredith,

I love reading the column, and even more the comments. But I am probably outside your demographic, so not sure if my letter will be relevant. My guess is you get this type of letter all the time, or you never get it because it is such a common problem.
I am over 50 and have been married for 30-plus years. I love my wife, love my life, but we have one HUGE problem — guess what it is? Sex. I want it, she doesn’t.

I understand things change as a woman gets older. I try to be supportive. It’s not like we had a vigorous sex-life before, but c’mon, we barely do it once a month, sometimes three to four months.

Yes, we have talked about it. She keeps saying she will try, but it never happens. When we do get to it, I almost feel like I am forcing her (I am not), but it is not enjoyable because I know she is not enjoying it.

I understand that sometimes it can be painful for her (part of getting old), and yes, she has seen a doctor. There are other things she could do but she refuses. And yes, I do my best to be romantic and patient — candles, lotions, and everything else I can think of.

I watch a lot of porn now, but I always feel bad about it. And would prefer not to.

So my next step is to find someone else. I travel a lot for business but have never strayed despite many chances.

I don’t want to leave my wife, but I feel like I am going to live a lonely, frustrated life from now on. I have the money and time to live one of those “double lives” I see in made-for-TV movies. Why not?

What can I do?

I know I am not alone in this. Why do women disregard the importance of sex in a relationship?

– Frustrated in Mass.