Preserving Our Sex Life

Monday | April 13, 2015

Love Letters Marriage

Preserving Our Sex Life

Dear Meredith,

I’ve been married for more than 20 years to a man I really love. He’s my best friend, he’s considerate, and he’s still very sexy. Pretty good so far, right?

I stayed home with our kids, working part-time while I homeschooled them. (I had been a teacher before we had kids, and since we couldn’t afford private school, this was the next-best option.) I went back to school when they went to college and got a degree in nursing.

Here are my two questions: Nursing is very physically demanding, and it’s very possible that my energy for having a satisfying sex life will tank. I don’t want to deprive my husband, who was so supportive during the time I was in nursing school. Any suggestions from people who have been there? Another issue is that he wants me to be creative in the bedroom, and I’m having a difficult time coming up with exciting new possibilities.

The truth is, I enjoy sex but it often ends up being something I do because he enjoys it so much. Is there any way that Love Letters readers could give me some OK-to-print ideas on how to preserve our sex life and spice things up? Vacation getaways are out of the question for a while since we’re broke from paying tuition for the past few years, but maybe we could consider them in a year or so.

Thanks very much! Looking forward to reading your replies, the snarky ones especially. I live for the snark on LL.

– Nurse

1. Don’t anticipate problems before they start. It’s possible that your sex life will be just fine, and that your job will take less of a toll on your marriage than school and constant homework.

2. Consider your schedule. If you find that you’re exhausted at the end of a shift, maybe sex should happen when your day begins. You and your husband will probably have to find a new rhythm once you get going with work. You’ll have to be flexible (you know what I mean).

3. Vacations don’t have to be big, expensive ordeals. Sometimes a day trip or an overnight works. The point is to have uninterrupted quality time and to share a new experience. Change your scenery as much as you can.

4. You seem very focused on pleasing your husband, which is great, but make sure you’re asking for what you want. If you need him to get creative, let him know. If there’s something that makes sex more enjoyable for you, make sure he understands. Sometimes just talking about it makes the whole process a lot more interesting.

Readers? Thoughts? Speak in euphemisms if you’re worried about getting your comments censored.

– Meredith

Sex 🖤 Marriage

Featured Comment

u0022You’re broke from sending your kids to college – but your kids are in college! You’ve got the house to yourselves for the first time in 20 years. You don’t even need weekends away. …nnYou two could get on while making breakfast on a Sunday morning – in the kitchen! And, yeah, OK, you’re probably going to be tired, but you’re not packing lunches, cooking big dinners, running kids around to hockey games, any of that stuff. You have time, you have space and you have each other.nnGo make the most of it.u0022nn– Boodaddy

Share Thoughts