People think I’m flirting
What’s on your mind about your relationship life? Send your own anonymous letter here – or to [email protected].
Q.
Dear Meredith,
I have an opposite problem. I’m in my 40s, happily married with two great kids. An absolutely fulfilled life. My problem is that men always think I’m coming on to them. I smile, make eye contact, laugh at jokes, people like talking to me. I’m a good listener. I do NOT touch them, stand too close, flash cleavage (none to flash!). I wear mascara and foundation but am pretty natural. I don’t think I come off as attention-seeking, forward, or vulgar. However, I do like talking about action movies, technology, F1, sci-fi books. Maybe unconventional topics for a woman? My kids like those things.
Furthermore, women like me. I have a great rapport with friends and strangers alike.
However, men of all ages automatically assume I am interested in them – no matter whether they are single or married. And I do not want that sort of attention – I love my husband!!
Is there some hidden etiquette I don’t understand? Don’t smile right away? Don’t make eye contact? What am I doing wrong? Should I just not expect to make platonic male friends at my age?
– Not a Flirt
A.
In 2025, I love “opposite problems.” What a gift.
Listen, maybe you’re fantastic, and for all of these people, it’s wishful thinking.
I believe that might be very possible. You’re confident, you know stuff, you like yourself, and you love being good company. How charming.
These days, it can be difficult to make connections and to feel like someone gets you. You’re making it easy in just a few minutes. It’s probably magnetic.
I wouldn’t want you to try to fit into some mold of “polite woman who doesn’t speak to men who are not her husband.” That’s a horrible thought. Instead, do what you do. Mention your husband to let the world know he exists. Teach everybody that you can be a straight woman who wants to connect without any expectation for more. If you feel creeped out by anyone, walk away.
Be yourself.
Also, if we ever run into each other, don’t talk to me about F1. I’m happy to chat about sci-fi and movies. Even from your letter, I would like to know what you thought about “Mickey 17.” You just seem like a good person to talk to about it.
– Meredith
Readers? Does this letter writer have to change her behavior? Why are people being weird?
Thinking about a crush, single life, a breakup, a complicated friendship, dating, a divorce, doing none of the above? What’s on your mind? Send your own letter here – or to [email protected].
Be civil. Be kind.
Read our full community guidelines.To comment, please create a screen name in your profile
To comment, please verify your email address