Does he have other people in his life?

I would gather his closest family members and/or friends and tell them where you are with this.

Marriage aside, this man is rejecting treatment. He might be putting himself (and you) at risk by not getting the help he needs. Is he doing more than he should? What about his finances and the practical decisions he has to make all day? You need a network of people who can step in and make sure he’s OK.

Call his people to a meal. Come up with a plan. Perhaps you have resources at the hospital that can help.

We had a letter not too long ago about the ethics of finding new love when a partner is being treated for dementia. I said it’s OK (with a longer explanation), based on what I think about commitment and care.

In your case, you signed on without truly committing to the “sickness and health” part of the deal. You didn’t know your partner well enough to be confident you could get through the worst of it. 

If you need to leave the marriage, you can. You can do anything you want, really. I would just reiterate that you’ll want to make sure he has loved ones around who understand him.

It sounds like you’ve made a choice. I’m sorry the honeymoon didn’t last longer.

– Meredith

Readers? The thing is, even if this couple wasn’t married, I think there’d be questions about how to leave a partner with health problems. Can we talk about how this works?

What’s on your mind about sickness and health, love and money, exes, dating, love, loss, friendship, marriage, etc.? Submit your letter by using the anonymous form, or email [email protected].