My first thought after reading this short letter was: “She’s only 65.” Maybe there’s a reason you talk about 65 like it’s a final state of being, but people meet at 65. My dad met someone (an older woman) in his 70s. You don’t know what will happen next.

My second thought was: “Someone has had a big crush on this woman and she didn’t know it.” I assure you, given the number of crushes we hear about at Love Letters, someone found a way to see you more than once because they were smitten and couldn’t do anything about it. Maybe you didn’t get to feel that adoration, but it happened. That’s Love Letters math.

A third thought: love isn’t just one thing. If you’re married for for decades, the love changes over the years. Maybe it’s romantic and goofy at the beginning. Twenty years later it might look more like appreciation and care. I hope you had some respect and gratitude in your marriage at some point. Love can look like that too.

You didn’t say what happened in the relationship, but sometimes divorce can temporarily cloud the beginning. Don’t let the last years cancel out any feelings that may have been present at the start. If you thought there was love – or infatuation, at least – when you met and chose each other, believe in that history.

Also know that sometimes when people break up, they say things like, “I never loved you!” It’s quite dramatic, and I suspect it makes it easier to walk away. But it’s possible they’re generalizing and forgetting the moments when everything fell into place.

If that was said to you – or if you’re saying it to yourself – know that it’s a summary of what happened, but not the whole story.

– Meredith

Readers? Does a divorce make it difficult to feel like you were loved? Is this one universal feeling, having been loved? Pep talk for this LW, please?

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