Hello Meredith,

I have been married to my wife for 10 years and have known her for almost 20 years. We have two children — one is a teenager and the other is 3. My wife had our daughter when she in her late teens but managed to attend college and have a successful career. I’m about eight years older than she is. She has always claimed that our relationship was never truthful because of my grumpiness, temper, and because I cheated on her in the past.

About three years ago we thought were in love again, which is why we decided to have a second child. Things were happy for a few years. But recently we’ve been distant and have had arguments and a few major fights. Our sex life has faded away big time. This all started when she took a trip overseas last year because she wanted to see her relatives. About three weeks ago I discovered in her diary that she has been having an affair with a childhood love over there. So this was a planned trip to see him. I told her that I would forgive her and continue with our marriage so we can raise our kids and keep our comfortable home.

A few days ago I asked her to tell me the truth about everything and asked whether she can forget him so that we can stay together. She wrote in an email that we could just be a family, but that she has “known me for way too long for us to be lovers” and that she loves me “like a close family member.” She said, “I stay for the kids but my love is not the same as yours.” She said she will always love him, but that she will stick around for our children. She called me her companion.

So you see, Meredith, I loved this woman dearly, and my kids and home. I’m a family type of person. I’m not sure whether I should stay or quit.

– Stay or Quit