Speak to a financial adviser about how to protect your money. Talk about what’s left, who has access, and how to keep certain resources off limits until you need it.

You can ask your wife to go with you. My guess is that she’ll decline. At the very least, you can go – and you’ll know that some assets are untouchable.

Then ask her question No. 2: “Will you come to marriage counseling with me? Even once?” Again, you might get a no, but you should go to therapy either way. The partner who says “You’re the man; it’s not my problem” might not be supportive in a bunch of ways.

It might be time to consider whether you can continue in this marriage. Think about all you get from it. Does the relationship cause more stress than happiness?

I don’t want to jump to divorce so quickly, but this is a huge issue. You don’t need a budget for ever nickel and dime, but there should be shared values – and a general plan.

I’m validating that this is an emergency, and that it’s time to seek help – not just from Love Letters, but the kind from people with licenses. 

If you need help finding therapists, let me know.

By the way, I keep thinking about how my accountant, the guy who does my taxes every year, also got a degree to become a therapist – which means tax time involves deep conversations and a closer look at the role money plays in my life. From what I see, there are more and more financial experts out there who also take time to consider why people spend – and how they might change.

– Meredith