My in-laws critique my parenting choices

Tuesday | December 23, 2025

Love Letters Marriage

My in-laws critique my parenting choices

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Hello Love Letters,

I’m writing to ask you some advice about dealing with my in-laws. My husband and I have a year-old baby. He is the light of our lives, and makes us so happy.

The problem is that my in-laws have very strong opinions about how I’m raising my kid, and keep bothering us with what they think is the right way to do things. They live overseas, and the distance is helpful on a day-to-day basis. However, they keep coming to visit, and because it’s such a long journey, they insist on staying for a couple months each time.

At those times, they are constantly judgmental about what I’m feeding my baby, how I don’t “prioritize his care” because I have a work-from-home job and rely on a nanny to watch him during my work hours, and how I’m cruel and heartless to attempt sleep-training.

They sometimes say these things to my face, and occasionally complain to my husband. He does defend me and have my back, but it’s really demeaning. I mostly stay silent or walk away to keep the peace (I generally avoid conflict, and have also been raised to respect my elders and not talk back) but we’re really reaching a breaking point here. I am very reluctant to have them visit again (even though they love their grandson!) and stay in our home while constantly judging me. I also keep phone calls to a minimum.

How do I move forward? How can I keep a semi-cordial relationship with my in-laws but also hold boundaries and get them to stop inserting themselves in our lives and choices? Help!

– Boundaries

This one’s a tale as old as time, so I imagine our commenters will have plenty to say about how their in-laws gave “helpful parenting tips,” back in the day.

Please know you are a member of a club of zillions of people who are told they’re doing everything wrong – sometimes by their own parents.

I do hope these in-laws have a few nice things to say. I also hope they help you with your child when they visit.

Two thoughts. 1. Your husband could say more to prevent these moments before they happen. Instead of defending you, he could go on the offense and say, “Do not bring up parenting tips unless you think our kid is in some kind of immediate danger.”

Thought 2 is all about geography and length of stay. I wonder if you can visit your in-laws, instead of the other way around. Next year, you could fly overseas and spend a week with the them. Yes, it’s travel effort for you, but as the visitor, you get to decide length of stay, accommodations, etc. You could be in their home for a week and a half and then treat yourself to a family rental for the last few nights.

You’d think that being on your own home turf would have advantages, but I’m not sure it does. It’s easier to leave someone else’s house to take a walk than it is to ask a person to give you personal space.

As your in-laws get older, they might welcome the idea of you going there.

Maybe they’ll even pay for it.

– Meredith

Readers? Please share your experience, tips, advice, etc. Any other “how to deal with family during the holidays” tips you want to share?

What’s on your mind about your relationship life? Friendships, romantic relationships, family? Send an anonymous question through the form – or email [email protected].

Family 🖤 In-laws Marriage

Featured Comment

As you get older and more comfortable in your position as the head of your own household, you’ll learn that your immediate family (husband and kids) are the only focus that matters. People pleasing for extended family will only give you stress, so lay the boundaries now.

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