My husband, who works remotely, is annoyed when I get home

Monday | June 9, 2025

Love Letters Marriage

My husband, who works remotely, is annoyed when I get home

My husband and I, both men in our late 20s/early 30s, have been married for almost two years. I really love him and enjoy being with him. However, I feel like he is always annoyed with me. He works a desk job from home, and I work in-office. When I get home, he is usually in a bad mood but the only reasoning I can get is that: “work was stressful,” “I am tired,” or “it was a long day.”

I have long days too, but I feel like there is something else going on given the frequency. Sometimes I feel like he uses these excuses to avoid telling me how he really feels.

Any minor inconvenience or change in what he has set in his mind is catastrophic and increases his irritability or negativity. Whenever I try to broach the subject with him, he gets super defensive and goes to bed, sometimes as early as 7 p.m. How can I approach the subject of his consistent negative outlook and complaining without sounding accusatory or having him shut down?

– Wit’s End

I assume he’s in a good mood sometimes. (I hope.)

Pick one of those moments and say, “I’m having so much fun right now. I need to let you know: I’ve been stressed about how much it doesn’t feel like this after work.”

Sometimes it’s easier to talk about difficult things when you start from a happy place.

If you can’t find a time to bring this up because he’s always annoyed or going to bed at 7 p.m., send him a note. Explain how you feel. Maybe he’ll read it, get upset, and then calm down. He might be someone who receives this kind of feedback better on his own, in a place where he can process, gather his thoughts, and sit with it for a bit.

He should know this is important to you. Say you’re struggling and upset – because you are. So much of this has been about why he feels the way he does. You want to solve the mystery of his bad moods, but you’re a person too, and he should care about your feelings.

One last thought: it might be helpful to have more time out of the house. A walk after work is nice. Seeing friends is fun.

Maybe, as you figure this out, you both need more time in different places, so you can reboot and feel excited to have each other’s company.

– Meredith

Readers? If you or a partner works from home, how do you stay in good moods? How do you force a conversation about bad moods with someone who’s often in a bad mood?

What’s on your mind about remote work, friendship, love, exes, dating, love, loss, crushes, marriage, etc.? Submit your letter by using the anonymous form, or email [email protected].

Marriage

Featured Comment

If he is miserable at his job and he is associating his job with his home because they are one in the same, it could be very much affecting his mental health. Try to catch him in a good mood if you can to talk about it, or suggest some date nights or other things to get him out of the house to see if that helps at all.

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