My husband has a Tinder profile. I jumped on his computer to check my grad school email, and the dummy wasn’t even smart enough to have hidden the evidence. I’m devastated, of course. I kept my cool until our kid went to bed and then I got upset. We talked about it, he was remorseful … blah, blah, blah. He was really upset and reiterated that nothing ever happened, and that it was just something he did late at night.

But here’s the thing: he basically uses the conversations as an attention thing to take a self-guided tour, if you will. His profile picture isn’t him, the conversations are pathetic at best, and I honestly believe that nothing happened with any of them. We live in the small town I grew up in and he couldn’t sneeze without someone at the post office saying bless you. Still, it doesn’t make me feel great about a marriage I thought was doing well for two people who are in it (jobs, kid, aging parents). I felt like we were a team and had each other’s back.

The real problem is that I am devastated, embarrassed, and angry. I obviously love the fool, but don’t want to get so angry that I make this all worse. At the end of the day, this is a two-way street and I’m clearly not paying enough attention to him personally and otherwise if he has to flirt with randoms online to get the job done.

We’ve been married for 15 years, what I thought was happily, and I just don’t know what to do. I mean, I’m not going to leave him, but I’m basically asking for help on how I can deal with this to heal my marriage instead of ruin it.

– Upset