My Husband Cheated On Me Before We Were Married

Friday | March 25, 2016

Love Letters Marriage

My Husband Cheated On Me Before We Were Married

Found out my husband cheated on me for a year – not when we were married but when we were dating. He didn’t come clean on his own. I found an email while looking for the Peapod delivery time. That would be because I’m a stay-at-home mom of two young sons.

My father says I should get past it and move on, because kids of divorce get screwed up (my parents are divorced, too. Thanks, Dad). So what do I do? Move forward and brush it under the rug for the sake of my beautiful children, or take a risk and try to find someone who truly knows how to love me and my children? I’m 35 – not young, but not old just yet. Am I making this a bigger issue than it is?

He says he’s committed to me now that we’re married and that he would never cheat on me or dishonor his children and family by doing that to me now. He says a lot of the right things (he’s good with words like that). The truth is that throughout our dating relationship, I was always finding girls’ numbers and emails. I was naive and always believed his stories that he loved me and that it was just a date here and there for him, as he tried to figure out if I was the one for him. Apparently I was – as was his girlfriend of a year while he dated us both. His pursuit of online dating and dating in general seems to be a habitual pattern. My trust is broken.

Can he really break the habit now that we’re married? And by the way, there was no real heartfelt proposal, engagement, etc. I had broken up with him one month prior to his wooing me back and me getting pregnant. We got married three months after that. There was no sex in the marriage for the first three years. Not until just recently did we start having sex again.

– Old cheat

This is not a new problem. You just discovered this old cheat, but your relationship has been plagued with trust issues for years. You must get therapy (together) and talk about your history. You need a third party to help you figure out whether you both want to stay married. I can’t make guesses about your husband’s intentions. People can change and his cheating days might be in the past, but you still have to address what happened years ago.

For the record, as a child of divorce, I disagree with your dad about your options. Kids don’t thrive when their parents are unhappily married and slogging through life to maintain a stable home. Keep that in mind as you start counseling. You can’t stay married to preserve a perfect home if that perfect home never existed to begin with.

– Meredith

Readers? Can this marriage be fixed? Think he’s still cheating?

Family 🖤 Cheating Marriage

Featured Comment

You sound like you want out- you don’t actually sound happy with your life with this man, if that’s the case you should go ahead and end things. I understand and commend you for considering the impact on the kids but you can still provide a stable, loving home, along with their father, and hopefully that will mean the boys grow up in house that isn’t filled with distrust and tension.

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