Live Together First?

Wednesday | November 9, 2016

Love Letters Marriage

Live Together First?

Send me lots of letters today. Send me problems so we can talk about them and be the group of weird coexisting people I love.

I have been with my current boyfriend since my freshman year of high school, and now, as 22-year-old seniors in college, we are trying to figure out our next step. We are both wanting to move in and get engaged, but the order of these two big choices are what we seem to disagree on.

Personally, I would like to be engaged before we move in together. I feel like moving in without engagement is like getting the prize without the commitment, and in a sense playing house. On the other hand, he feels that after seven years, the commitment is clearly there, and that the order doesn’t change things. We’re both young, and I just don’t want us to move too quickly and make the wrong decision. Please Help!

– Playing House

If you live together, it’s not playing house. Playing house is when you pretend to live together. Once you share a home it’s the real thing.

Also, I don’t understand your logic about the prize and commitment. The prize is working together to live as a team. The prize is enjoying the best version of your relationship.

Some couples have legitimate reasons to live apart until they get married. Sometimes it’s about religion or logistics like distance. In your case, you seem to want some guarantee that you’ll get married no matter what. But an engagement doesn’t mean everything will go as planned. Rings are just symbols.

If you don’t want to move too quickly, don’t rush an engagement. Don’t make promises until you know how it feels to be together as adults, outside of school.

– Meredith

Readers? Thoughts on playing house?

Living Together Marriage

Featured Comment

Don’t try to push your boyfriend into an engagement. That’s not a romantic thing to do. The relationship is supposed to be about love and helping each other grow, not buying Bride Magazine.

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