Interested In My Husband’s Friend

Tuesday | October 5, 2021

Love Letters Marriage

Interested In My Husband’s Friend

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My husband (“A”) doesn’t know it, but I am extremely turned on by his best friend (“B”). I think about B all the time and fantasize about him bossing A around. I even have tried to let B know how I feel. I dress for B and flirt with him when ever I can. I wish continually that B would show up some day when A was not around and come on to me. I honestly don’t think I’d stop him.

Meredith, what am I going to do? I do wonder whether my husband might also be interested in the things I think about when I think about B – that we could pursue this together. The material he chooses for entertainment suggests this could be the case.

I have thought about seeing if this might be true. But how do I bring it up?

– Desperate

Listen, sure, you can ask your husband whether he’s thought about how B might be a bigger part of your lives. You can spend more time with the two of them and see if it leads to any interesting conversations.

But that is a risk, and you know your husband best. If you really think he’d be excited about a more open arrangement – one that involves B in some way – this is a little easier. If he knows you have access to the aforementioned material, that might be a starting point.

But if you suspect he has boundaries – for himself and the relationship – tread carefully. I think it might be easier to talk about the concept of openness than B, in particular. You could talk about fantasies without naming B. Then, if it seems like a no-go, things won’t have to be weird with his friend.

Let me add that fantasies can be wonderful – as daydreams, wishes, things we think about when we’re bored. But if they interrupt our ability to live our lives, and if they push us toward betraying someone we love, it’s something else. Think about how much this takes over your brain, and if the answer is “too much,” consider talking to a mental health professional. This fantasy shouldn’t interrupt your ability to enjoy the life you have. If it does, you need more guidance.

– Meredith

Readers? How would you bring this up? Should it stay a private fantasy and nothing more?

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Featured Comment

You don’t really want a 3-some, you want to cheat. Something tells me if you were to have a 3-some with your husband and B that you’d completely ignore your husband anyway. My only advice is to stay away from B until you’re ready to leave your husband because this isn’t healthy for you or fair to him.

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