I Want To Hang Out With My Husband

Friday | August 7, 2015

Love Letters Marriage

I Want To Hang Out With My Husband

My husband and I have been married for just over a year. He has a couple of close friends who I’ve met and are really nice people. Recently, he started hiking a lot and taking these friends along with him. I’ve never had any problem with it, and in fact encouraged him to spend time on his own when he needs to. We have two children, one of which is from a previous relationship and one that is ours.

Lately, though, it seems like these hiking trips are becoming more frequent – and I never get invited. I tell him that I enjoy hiking and adventuring too, yet I’m still left out. Also, a friend of his recently got a female roommate who says she is a lesbian. Because of this, my husband feels I shouldn’t be worried about him spending time with her. But the three of them just went hiking together, and it made me feel even more left out. They took pictures and videos together, which upset me because my husband never takes photos with me.

It makes me so sad because all I want is to spend time with my husband outside of the house. He says I’m being ridiculous, but I feel that it’s unfair that some random girl I’ve never met gets to spend time with my husband when that’s all I want. Am I being too sensitive about this? I could really use some perspective.

– Too Sensitive?

Your problem isn’t this other woman, it’s the lack of social time in the marriage. Your husband should want to hang out with you outside of the house. It’s great that he has close friends, but he has to remember that you’re his friend, too.

Stop talking to him about your jealousy, and focus on what needs to change between the two of you. Let him know that you want more than a daily routine and childcare. Explain that you wouldn’t be so sensitive about the hiking (and his friend’s new roommate) if he made an effort to enjoy your company.

Also try to initiate some plans. If you want to do something fun with your husband, don’t expect him to read your mind – just ask.

Readers? Is she being too sensitive? Should she have a problem with his friend’s new roommate?

– Meredith

Friends Marriage

Featured Comment

I find it strange that you describe your husband’s close friends as people you’ve ‘met.’ It makes me wonder how long you’ve been together total and how much you are separating your worlds. Your letter makes it sound like you are strangers who happen to live together and have a child. Listen, marriages function differently for all of us, but your lives are highly compartmentalized and your communication is lacking. If you are people who would do marriage counseling, do that. Regardless, you need to build on your relationship more by cutting out the criticism and creating some time together to enjoy each other and to reconnect as partners.

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