I rushed us into marriage

Tuesday | February 3, 2026

Love Letters Marriage

I rushed us into marriage

Send your own question. Use the form – or email loveletters boston.com.

I am a 23-year old woman. I’ve been married for three years. My husband is 25. When we first met, everything seemed so perfect. He would compliment me, make me feel special, and he was always so attentive – like buying me roses, opening doors for me, etc. Such a gentleman.

We only knew each other for about nine months before deciding to get married. I feel like it was my fault for peer pressuring him with marriage. I was only 19 and seeking to get away from all the stuff I didn’t like about home. I mentioned to my boyfriend that I was going to be moving out of my parents’ house because I needed my own space and wanted to get away from all that toxic stuff.

When I mentioned this he immediately said, “Great, I can start coming over your new place to stay,” but right away I said no, if you are going to be staying over, you must help pay bills.

That moment is when I asked him if he was willing to get married. He said, “I don’t know, I’m not ready for that step.” Right away I told him “OK, well, we can’t be together. I am ready to use my time wisely and talk to someone else who is planning for marriage.”

YES, I KNOW THIS WAS MY BIGGEST MISTAKE.

After a week of no communication, he messaged me to meet up. During this interaction he told me that I was right, that we are never fully ready for what’s next in life, but that he loved me and wanted to get married. So we did! First year was great. Second year, little disagreements started. I believe we both wanted different things in life.

A few months back, my dad was deported and my family and I have been having a difficult time because we miss him. I feel like I’m the most affected one, and I constantly tell my husband how I feel like he doesn’t even try to understand my pain. During our last argument he told me I had to suck up my feelings, which actually hurt a lot coming from him, so I told him, “Cool, I can do that,” but I want to leave him – because he said this when I needed him most.

I’m constantly asking him for help, but it always seems like my request is too much to ask. I feel like this caused me to fall out of love. What should I do?

– Out of Love

You got married too quickly, for the wrong reasons, without knowing each other well enough.

But you know that.

My advice is to take some months away from each other so you can think about what you want next. I know it’s tough to be home, and that you got married to get away from family, but maybe it’s a good time to be with those loved ones. Or what about staying with a friend?

Sometimes it’s difficult to make decisions about a relationship when your partner is in your face all the time. Space might help you both remember what you like about each other. It might teach you what life could be like on your own.

It would be helpful to talk to a counselor while you’re going through this distance. In 2026, there are apps that make it easier to find therapists who can meet on a Zoom to help with complicated conversations.

But that’s Step 2. Really, I think it’s time to say, “We both seem miserable, and I want a good marriage. I want a relationship that makes us both happy a lot of the time. Let’s separate for a bit and think about what we need to make this work – or not. We need a reboot.”

Absence might make the heart grow fonder, but I’m more interested in it providing clarity. That’s what you need.

– Meredith

Readers? Would it be good to separate? Is there a way to learn how to be happily married?

Send your own question. Use the form – or email [email protected].

Divorce Family 🖤 Living Together Marriage

Featured Comment

You might want to think about the statement you made about wanting different things in life. What did you mean by that and can the differences be worked out?

Bluebird100 Share Thoughts