My assumption is that you need the full story so you can let it go. Maybe he’s dropping details over time, which extends the pain and makes it harder to trust.

That’s what you should tell him – that if he shares as much as he can all at once, you’ll be able to start focusing on this new chapter. Hearing the full story would help you forgive.

You can tell him, by the way, that he can write it down. Sometimes saying this stuff out loud is terrible. He might have done a lot of compartmentalizing and lying to himself – which warps the narrative when it’s time to explain. He can share in any medium that feels comfortable, right? 

(It occurs to me … I’m sure ChatGPT would do a lot with this topic!)

Know that you might get more logistics, details, and feelings, but you won’t get 100 percent of the story. Some moments will be private, no matter what. I assume you understand that, though – and that you need just enough information to make peace with it.

Be specific about what pieces are missing and what you want him to share.

Of course I’ll say therapy can help with some of this stuff. I know there’s no time, but it might require only a few sessions.

– Meredith

Readers? How do people communicate about details after an affair? What helps to know? What is best left alone?

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