A.

Talk to your boyfriend about how you would see this marriage.

He should know that a lot of people get married for benefits. Some stay married because they wind up liking it, others don’t.

Despite all the Instagram pics that tell us otherwise, marriage is a contract with terms. Sometimes you can adjust those terms with a lawyer.  

I was reading someone’s divorce agreement a few months ago and thought, “Everyone getting married should read this – because it would clarify what they’re actually doing when they get married.”

That’s why you should find a legal expert to explain how this could work – and what it really means. A more official partnership does sound essential right now. Maybe there’s a prenup doc that can spell out how things could change if you choose another path.

Make sure you tell your partner what you do want – which is him, Alaska, this child, and more time to figure things out. Hopefully he’ll understand. It’s not all negative, just honest.

Sometimes we sign on to big things before we want to. I wish that weren’t the case. It helps to know there’s flexibility if you need it.

Worth noting: if you feel like he’s someone who won’t compromise or agree to another possible future, discuss all of this – with loved ones. You’ll be isolated out there. You want to stay safe. You haven’t said anything about him, but I hope there’s trust, respect, communication, and a lot of love.

– Meredith

Readers? Can people think of marriage as a contract, without it ruining the relationship? Did you get married for a more practical reason? Should the LW avoid marriage and find another way?

Send your own question. I want to hear what’s on your mind about money, exes, dating, love, loss, frustrations, hopes, friendship, marriage, etc. Use the anonymous form or email [email protected].