I feel like I've chosen husband over family

Wednesday | March 18, 2026

Love Letters Marriage

I feel like I’ve chosen husband over family

Is there something on your mind about a relationship in your life? Or a relationship you wish you had in your life? Send your own question. Help others wondering the same thing. Use the form – or email [email protected].

This one comes from the phone booth.

The love I have for my husband is infinite. But I also love my family. Being with my husband means I have to live far away from my family – a plane and an ocean away. I’m from England. My husband and I are currently living in the US.

How can I embrace the love I have for my husband, and how we’re building our lives together, without feeling like I am sacrificing my family?

Sometimes I feel like my family sees the situation as me choosing my husband over them. That’s kind of the truth, but how can I love both my husband and my family while obviously staying in close proximity to my husband?

How does a person make everyone feel loved?

Thanks for what you do. This is very cool. I like this booth.

– Far Away

Visits, words, trust yourself.

Visits: this is self-explanatory. Visit your family as much as you can. Your husband should understand why you need return to England when possible. Perhaps you have the kind of job where you can do some remote work. You could relocate for a month for extended bonding. That could be a goal.

Words: Tell your family what you said in this letter. “Mom, dad, cousin, sibling, whomever … this move was essential for me, but it has meant having less time with you. I want you to know it’s not easy. I miss you, love you, and think about you frequently. I hold you in my heart whenever I go, and I hope you’ll call on me, even if I’m not down the street. Thank you for loving me no matter where I am.” Something like that – so they know. I wish people spoke about distance (literal or emotional) more often.

Trust yourself: It sounds like you want to be with your husband in the US, but feel guilty about it. That’s different than wishing you and your husband could move to England. Sometimes we grow up and make a life elsewhere. If being here feels right, that’s great. It might be uncomfortable sometimes, but it’s OK.

It’s not husband vs. family. You’re choosing what’s best for you.

We do have a podcast episode about this kind of problem, by the way. It’s called “Ana in Paris” and it might make you feel less alone.

– Meredith

Readers? How do you tend to family back home if you have to move far away? Is it really about picking one love over all others?

Distance Marriage

Featured Comment

You’re putting “husband” and “family” into separate categories, but the point of getting married is that you’re creating your own family (or expanding the one you have). Also, while it’s important to make an effort with your immediate family, it’s also not your job to manage their feelings about the situation. If you know you’re putting in an appropriate amount of effort that still allows you to live your life in the US, that’s all you can really do.

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