Some people are guilty of being the best version of themselves for acquaintances, colleagues, and strangers. They save the worst of themselves for life at home.

This might be because they’re tired when they get home (for some, being on zaps all the energy). But more often it’s because the other person at home reminds them of obligations, bills, and every memory, welcome or not. That could be what’s happening here. Your husband has forgotten he can be cool and new with you. He’s feeding off the easily earned attention of others when he could be treating you like a partner and friend.

I do think the two of you would benefit from couples therapy. It might also help to work on remembering how to have fun together. You need to be making more memories, developing inside jokes, and seeing each other as someone other than a roommate who co-manages a home. Yes, he’s out of the house, but can you take walks together? Try for quality time that isn’t all about debating what went wrong? I always recommend couples binge a TV show (for me, that’s how bonding happens), but you might prefer day trips, a board game … any activity you’d both want to run home to do together.

It doesn’t sound like you’re ready to leave. It also sounds like your husband needs help figuring out how to make good on his promises. Ask your therapist about seeing someone else as a couple. In the meantime, maybe get together to talk about your days and watch a movie. Start there.

– Meredith

Readers? Why don’t people always bring their cool office-friend energy home to the people who love them?