I was at an event a few weeks ago where a woman randomly told me that “when you marry someone, everything is different.” In her opinion, the second you say vows, your commitment becomes something stronger – for better and worse, literally.

I have also spoken to dozens of married people who say they were disappointed (or elated) because their relationship didn’t change at all.

Some tell me that after saying “I do” they experienced a sense of calm, mainly because a question has been answered. They always wondered if they’d get married, and they did. After they finished that process, there was no need to guess and plan. They got a break for a bit.

The kids thing seems like a more universal change. No more sleep, no more prioritizing each other above all else. One of my friends had a child with her loving husband and told me, half serious, “I guess I really will know him forever now.” As if she hadn’t made that promise at their wedding. But the kid thing felt like more of an unbreakable lifetime connection, for sure.

What I can say about being “prepared,” as you put it: remember to enjoy it. Know that even though a zillion people will tell you their own rules about how to do things, you and your soon-to-be spouse can make your own. Please communicate. Admit when you don’t know what you’re doing.

The “best husband possible” (that’s a good literary fiction title, by the way) is a partner. He’s there to have a fun, happy, interesting life. 

Just show up excited – and with gratitude – and it’ll be a good start.

– Meredith