Her Work Comes First Now

Wednesday | April 12, 2023

Love Letters Marriage

Her Work Comes First Now

It’s your time to write a letter. What are your dating/relationship/marriage/single issues? Let us try to make sense of them. Email [email protected] or send your letter here.

Dear Meredith,

I have been married to my wife for three years (10 years together). Earlier this year she told me that our marriage and children are no longer her top priority in life – work is now her top priority. After telling her how I felt about this, and now seeing a marriage a counselor about it, she has turned very angry and feels that the marriage counselor and I are attacking her.

She has now told us both that she has no intention on changing. I would have thought the counseling would have helped, but in response she has dug in her heels, and it is incredibly painful for me. I know this is a common problem for couples, but I thought I would ask your insight and thoughts.

– Sad in the South Shore

We’re missing a bit of information here – like why this came up and how the priority shift has affected the way she treats you and the kids.

Is she still engaging with her children? Interested in them? That seems to be the most important thing here. As for your partnership, I can tell you that if someone wants the status quo – if they tell you whatever they’re doing now is all they can deliver – believe them.

Ask her what she thinks a happy marriage and family looks like if work remains her No. 1 concern. How does it change the household? What is she asking for here? If her vision of living her best life doesn’t sound right for you, make plans for something else. There are other ways to structure family – new ways to co-parent – and not all romantic relationships wind up lasting forever.

The counseling hasn’t been a fix, but it’s a great place to get honest answers. That’s something everyone should know about couples counseling – that it can be more about finding a truth than repairing something broken. As her what would make her happy. If her answer doesn’t work for you, take next steps to separate and build something new – so you can live you best life too. Maybe easier said than done, but necessary.

– Meredith

Readers? How can the LW use counseling to get to a next step? Is it time to walk away? The LW says this problem might be common – but is it?

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