He made a financial decision without consulting me

Monday | February 23, 2026

Love Letters Marriage

He made a financial decision without consulting me

Be careful out there today (snow). Better yet, don’t go out there today. Just write a letter instead. If you’re a former letter writer, send us an update, please.

Use the form – or email [email protected].

I am engaged to my partner of eight years. For the first seven years of our relationship, my fiancé had a significantly higher income than I did/do (because I am younger/earlier in my career and work in a lower-paying industry). I spent many years at a company doing work I love, but they treated me badly.

Not long ago, my fiancé quit his high-paying job to work at the company that burned me. It would be a pay cut for him. I gave warnings about my concerns about him working there and was brushed off.

He broached a conversation about the finances of the change the day he received the job offer, but instead of continuing the conversation the next day, he accepted the offer while I was at my own job. Now he expects me to pay more toward our household expenses – even though I still make less and have less in savings and more debt.

Plus, this wasn’t a team decision! I don’t know how to handle this if being engaged means we’re “a team” whether I contributed to the decision or not. It feels unfair to harm my own finances for something we didn’t discuss!

(P.S. Yes, I acknowledge that my own emotions about him working for my ex-company are a factor!)

– Pay Cut

This is why my accountant says he feels like a marriage counselor. He tells me that every Spring, couples show up brimming with resentment because one person made a financial decision without talking to the other.

These people are married, so he tries to help.

You are not married. Yet.

Please talk to your fiancé about how the two of you will make financial/ life decisions in the future. Tell him you’re still thinking about how this went down.

It’s not that you expect to make decisions for him (right?), or that you want veto power over his life. If he wants to quit a job and take another, that’s fine.

But it’s easier to get excited about a plan if you’ve collaborated on it. He could have said, “Hey, this job is important to me. How can we make this work with a new/lower household income?” You might have been psyched to help if that had been the tone.

It does sound like you’ve been earning more money lately. Maybe your fiancé has been desperate to switch jobs, and your new, better-paying position finally made it possible.

Maybe, to your fiancé, it felt like you’d been making choices about your career and pay without consulting him – that you assumed he’d always cover the household needs. That’s not teamwork either.

The point is, it sounds like there’s plenty you haven’t talked about, despite being together for eight years. Start this conversation with some kindness and say, “I’m thrilled you found a job that excites you.” Have some gratitude for the years he paid for most things. Then tell him your financial concerns – debt, specific expenses, whatever.

Explain how you envision teamwork in decisions. At the very least, you should have had a Part 2 of that first conversation, right after he accepted the job. Often, teamwork is just about two people sitting around, over a snack, and asking, “How can we make this happen?”

As for the former company, let him have his own experience. Office cultures shift, as do managers and employees. Hopefully this change will give him the positive experience he’s looking for.

Teamwork does involve wanting the other person to be happy.

– Meredith

Readers? Thoughts on this decision? What does teamwork look like with these kinds of decisions?

Is there something on your mind about a relationship in your life? Or a relationship you wish you had in your life? Send your own question. Help others wondering the same thing. Use the form – or email [email protected].

Marriage

Featured Comment

Now is your chance to sit down and talk directly about how this situation impacts you, and how you’d both like to handle future big decisions as a couple, as they arise. You could also consider seeing a financial advisor together to strategize.

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