He doesn't buy flowers

Monday | May 19, 2025

Love Letters Marriage

He doesn’t buy flowers

When will the love of my life learn to love me in the way I feel most loved? We’re nearing almost seven years together and although there is so much love there, I find that his affection lacks tailoring to “me.”

For example, I love receiving flowers and he knows this about me, but yet he never gives me flowers. I never come home and see a bouquet or an arrangement or a stem off the street waiting for me, or I don’t receive flowers on my birthday. Can this person really be the person for me if he refuses to indulge me in a way that would make me feel listened to, seen, or known?

I’d like to think it’s not worth throwing all this away because he doesn’t get me flowers, but on the other hand … why doesn’t he?

Idk…

– Flowerless in Boston

This has to go beyond flowers. Because as we all know, you can buy yourself flowers and write your name in the sand.

I’ll assume that the lack of “tailoring” with gifts is the issue across the board. Perhaps your partner shows up with a generic mall gift card on birthdays.

Maybe he saves all gifts for big holidays. Meanwhile, you’re the kind of person who wants little tokens of affection on a random Tuesday.

I don’t know if his instincts will change, but I do think you can give him some tips. Tell him you like presents that are for you, specifically. You might encourage him to make a list of things you like – from objects to activities – and then use it for ideas.

Remind him he can ask for help. It’s OK text someone’s friend and say, “What would she love right now?”

Also, if you’d rather have flowers than any other birthday gift, make that clear. Flowers are so much easier to buy than shirts, earrings, or electronics. You basically leave the hard part to the florist. It might be helpful for your partner to know that all he has to do is walk into a flower shop.

You didn’t say anything about why you are committed to this man, but you called him the love of your life. That means a lot. I have to imagine he’s good at many things, including showing up. Make your own list of the ways you do feel seen by him.

If the list isn’t long, and you don’t feel seen, that’s a bigger problem – one that’s a lot bigger than flowers.

– Meredith

Readers? Does it take away the romance if you have to teach a partner how to buy you a good gift? How specific do you get when you ask for gifts? Can you share experiences with bad gift givers? Also, in this case, would flowers matter if everything else was going well?

What’s on your mind about dating, relationships, friendships, etc.? Submit your letter by using the anonymous form, or email [email protected].

Birthday disappointment Everything's perfect but … Marriage

Featured Comment

My husband and I got a Costco membership, and whenever we are there near a birthday, anniversary, mother’s day, etc, he has me pick out a bouquet. Not the most romantic, but I still get flowers that are beautiful, and pretty cost effective since Costco is a good deal.

Overall my husband is not the best gift giver, but I look for the other things he does too, and try to understand his love language. It may be a little different from mine, but we do the best in trying to be bilingual and make sure we both feel loved. Might be time to do a good check in on your communication.

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