I wish I knew more about what made you confident you wanted to take this next step. I assume it was love, and that you saw a future together in some way.

I don’t want to minimize your feelings about the infidelity. I understand where they come from, of course. But the bigger issue seems to be that the two of you might want very different lives.

His life revolves around his business, and he likes it like that. He wants someone around who can be attentive and affectionate. You seem to want freedom to roam.

The way you mention a “care-free life” … like you see this marriage as something that would limit you. I think the best relationships can make you feel like the world is even bigger. If the impending wedding feels like a trap – like you’ll be boxed in – it might not be the right relationship.

You’ll notice I’m using the word “might” a lot. That’s because I have no idea what road is best for you. If you leave your partner, you might look back in a year and say, “What have I done?” Also, yes, this might just be nerves. You say you have the desire to move every two years … but you don’t, right? Maybe this biennial need to bolt is a mood that always passes.

What I do know is that a wedding is an event, and events can be tabled and postponed. Changing plans costs money, but it might be easier to handle than undoing a marriage.

If you’re not sure, you can hit pause. You can even seek counseling together in the meantime to figure out what feelings might last.

Good for both of you for having honest conversations, by the way. Even if it’s painful, it helps that you’re figuring this out together.

Also, come on the podcast. 

– Meredith