I have been married to my husband for almost a decade and we have been together for much longer than that. We have a school-aged child together. He is a very nice guy, quirky, and eager to please. He has been diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum Disorder. His diagnosis makes social interactions uncomfortable and awkward, and makes him unable to organize and participate in many household activities.

His disorder also leaves him extremely avoidant of confrontation. For this reason, he often lies to me about important and mundane things to avoid having an open discussion about them. We do very little together socially and I even vacation alone. Over the years this has caused some serious issues in our marriage.

We have seen several couples counselors, but after a few visits they all have stated that my husband’s diagnosis renders him unable to functionally participate in couples therapy because he can’t really empathize with another person’s feelings. We have discussed divorce and he is adamantly opposed. I love this guy (and he says he loves me, although I have no idea if he knows what that means). The thought of spending the rest of my life without any hope that I might have a real partner who I can trust and lean on when I am in need is sort of unthinkable. But I did make the vow “in sickness and in health.”

I know your readers will say that I should have known what I was getting into when I married him, but I want to say that I didn’t. I did not realize the extent of his disability until we had our child. I feel stuck. If I push a divorce, I wonder if my husband will be able to care for himself. I’ll feel like a total jerk and fear that I would mess up my kid in the process. If I stay I feel like I’m living my life just to take care of other people. Have other readers found a way to have a fulfilling life and marriage despite similar issues?

– Help