Advice For A Big Move

Friday | August 12, 2016

Love Letters Marriage

Advice For A Big Move

A weird thing: This letter arrived like magic while I was watching the season finale of “Outlander.” I’d had two glasses of wine, my laptop in front of me, and for a good 15 minutes I’d convinced myself that something supernatural was happening. It was not. That said, this letter is very wonderful. Please read it in his accent.

Dear Meredith,

I’m from Scotland. My fiancée is from Boston and we both met in London, where we currently live. We’ve been together for nearly three years, and I’m very lucky to be getting married to her on August 13th in Scotland. The other day, she told me she reads Love Letters. I’ll be honest – I didn’t know anything about Love Letters. Being Scottish and having never lived in Boston, it’s just not crossed my path before, so I’ve had a great day reading some of the classic letters, responses, and reader comments.

Before our wedding, I have a question. We’re moving to Boston in two years time to settle down and start a family together. We’ve both lived away from our hometowns before in London, but I have mixed emotions about it. On one hand, I’m really excited about the prospect of living in Boston having visited a few times – great city and great people. On the other hand, I’m nervous about starting a new life in a different country and having a family. Our relationship is strong, so we’ve talked about this together. I guess it’s only natural to have mixed feelings about taking a leap into a new adventure. Any words of wisdom from you or the readers on how best to deal with the transition/move?

– Scotland to Boston

First, congrats. I just looked up tomorrow’s weather over there and it’ll be … rainy … but that’s good luck.

Second, thanks for reading from London and Scotland. It makes me feel very international.

As for your question, here are some things to know about relocating to a partner’s hometown:

1. Give yourself lots of time to adjust. Maybe even two years. In Boston, it can take that long to figure out the difference between I-95 and 93, and how to deal with the Green Line. If you get frustrated after six months, remind yourself that this is an ongoing, long-term project.

2. Know that Boston is tiny compared to London. That comes with ups and downs, but one of the ups is that expats tend to find one another pretty easily. If you get homesick for Scottish people, you’ll be able to meet them through friends of friends. Some of them watch soccer at a bar near my newspaper.

3. Do not assume your fiancée is returning to a crowd of supporters. She’s from Boston, but many of her people moved away went through big life changes while she was in London. Expect that both of you will be dealing with a massive change. Make sure you communicate about that, too; it’s not uncommon for a person to move home and feel lonely.

4. You don’t have to do everything at once. Be honest about when it makes sense to start a family.

5. Keep reading Love Letters (obviously). It’s a nice distraction when you’re feeling lonely and weird, and it’ll give you guys something to talk about as you’re adjusting to your new life.

Have fun tomorrow. Thank your fiancée for introducing you to the column.

– Meredith

Readers? Advice?

Living Together Marriage

Featured Comment

It’s understandable that you have mixed feelings when you’re bang in the middle of one major change and thinking ahead to two major changes. You’ll find over the course of the next couple of years that marriage will affect both of your lives in ways that you didn’t anticipate. Moving to a new country and having a family will also change both of your lives in ways that you didn’t anticipate…My only rule of thumb for parents is that you should always expect the unexpected.

Adam Share Thoughts