He Doesn’t Want To Get Married Again

Tuesday | December 20, 2016

Love Letters Marriage

He Doesn’t Want To Get Married Again

We have one of those exclusive video letters up on Facebook. Also, former letter writers, send updates on your situation to [email protected]. Put “update” in the subject line. Tell us whether our advice was any good.

I’m 42 and have been dating the same man for almost two years. We both have children and do not want any more, but I do want marriage one day – not today, but one day.

My boyfriend hates the idea of getting married again. You say the word marriage and his body language looks like he just saw something terrible in front of him. I love this man, I truly do, but our future goals don’t match up whatsoever. We both had bad marriages before, but I don’t want that to ruin our chances of being happy together.

I’m lost, I’m confused, I don’t want to spend years invested in this relationship if he will never move forward from where we are now. We don’t live together, we see each other maybe twice a week. I just feel like I’m in a high school relationship that is going nowhere. When I bring up the fact that maybe we are not meant to be together because we have different future plans/goals, he tells me I’m more in love with the “institution” than I am with him. I’m lost. Please help!

– Lost

You don’t have to get married and sign paperwork to move forward. Many people with different views on marriage figure out how to become partners, even if they’re not spouses.

If he loves you – but not the institution – how else does he plan to move ahead? Does he want to live together? Become more of a family? See you more often? Share finances?

If all of those ideas turn him off, it’s time to walk away, because after two years, you do want more. But if he does say he wants to be life partners, ask him what that means. Find out how he believes you’d grow together if marriage was off the table, so you can be sure about your next steps.

– Meredith

Readers? Marriage or nothing?

Marriage

Featured Comment

If your boyfriend is not able to have a conversation regarding your future together, whether its becoming more invested in each other’s lives for living together; then unfortunately, you are not on the same path.

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