Meredith,

Am I being silly or should I be seriously concerned about my wife’s relationship with her female co-worker? Background and full disclosure: My wife and I have been married for 30 years, and like a lot of marriages, we have had our share of ups and downs, most recently down in the last three months. I have been angry and distant with her over some serious financial issues that she has caused. Suffice it to say, we have been arguing a lot. Enter co-worker and friend, a single divorced woman our age. My wife has known her for a few years; they used to work together in a different company. Now my wife has helped “Kathy” get a job at her new company, and they have become what my wife calls “close friends.” I respect the whole female bonding thing, and I admit I have not been great to her lately, but my radar has been on alert.

Here are a few data points – you tell me if I should be concerned: Kathy and my wife text and call each other multiple times each day. They regularly go out for drinks for “girls nights out.” My wife has a job where she meets with clients, and legitimately has to work unusual hours, but recently she’s been coming home late a lot. My wife invited her to dinner at our house without telling me in advance. My wife has invited her to meet family members. Kathy gave my wife jewelry and a birthday card that was signed “Love Always.” Kathy texted my wife a happy birthday, calling her a cutesy pet name. No smoking gun, but lots of circumstantial evidence. I need to know: Is it just close friends or something else? I know the simple answer is to ask my wife if they are having an emotional or physical relationship, but if my gut feeling turns out to be wrong, I’m certain I will further damage our relationship, and I don’t want to do that. On the other hand, if my gut is right, I feel the need to confront the issue head-on, and determine if we can even have a relationship going forward. Suggestions?

– More than friends?