My friend and I matched on Tinder. Now what?

Tuesday | March 19, 2024

My friend and I matched on Tinder. Now what?

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I have/had a crush on a friend of mine who is in the same friend group as me. We hang out often in group settings, but have never really spent time together one on one. However, we talk and have a lot of fun banter when we do hang out.

Recently, he has started seeing this woman, but never brings her around – and rarely mentions her when I’m around specifically. Also, he recently matched with me on Tinder and made a funny comment on one of my pictures – and I don’t know why he is on Tinder if he is seeing someone.

I still have feelings for him. I don’t know if I’m being delusional, and I definitely don’t ever want to be the other woman. I don’t know … maybe I don’t have a question. I guess I just don’t know where to go from here. Should I talk to him about it?

– Friends

Yes. Talk to him.

Before you make a bunch of assumptions about his relationship status and his feelings about you, ask him some questions.

As in, “Did you match with me on Tinder because you’re interested? Are you exclusive with the woman you’re dating (and if so, why are you on Tinder?)”

Be honest with him about your feelings. Say, “I was sort of hoping we’d go on a date one day.” It’s not a big announcement, just a small truth. If it’s not in the cards, that’s fine. I love a casual “I have a crush on you” disclosure. It’s flattering, flirty, involves no big promises, and sometimes plants a seed for something great. If nothing comes of it, it’s easy to move on.

This is a benefit of saying something early. It’s not unrequited love or longing … yet. Just a crush. No big deal.

I do hope his activity on Tinder means that he and this woman are both still seeing other people. It wouldn’t be fun to date someone you don’t trust. That one question about exclusivity is important. If he shrugs it off like it’s not relevant, that tells you plenty.

– Meredith

Readers? Should the LW move on from this? Or is this a good time for a talk? Could this be a courtesy swipe? Remember that letter?

Friends Without Benefits Friends Crush

Featured Comment

“It’s worth a shot to talk to him. The Tinder match could be an opening. (full disclosure, I don’t know how Tinder matches get made). Say ‘Hey, we should go on a date since we matched on Tinder.’ His reaction should tell you how he feels. If it seems encouraging say ‘I’m free Saturday’. If he doesn’t follow through drop it forever – you’re in the friend zone.”

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