Dear Meredith,

I have been married for 14 years to a woman who is my world. Our sex life has stopped, and she is not happy about it.

When we first met, she told me that she was emotionally high-maintenance, and I said I could handle it. She also said that sex was a high priority, and I said that it was close to the top of the list for me as well. After about three years, though, I hurt myself on the job and was on medication, and our sex life diminished. We began arguing and bickering a lot, and it continued for years. She threatened to leave and the bickering and sex would get better. She accuses me of getting angry after sex and pushing her away. She said she felt invisible and unappreciated.

Fast forward 10 years and we have two children and are in counseling for the same problems: lack of sex and communication. She says she cannot allow herself to be in love with me and that she doesn’t see me in that light anymore. She is demanding that we live together and co-parent our two young sons.

She recently has been in contact with an old flame that she has not seen or spoken to in 20 years. He is coming to the area and they are making serious plans to have sex (renting hotel rooms, etc.). I am in so much emotional pain that I can’t sleep, eat, or breathe. I can’t stop her from sleeping with this guy. She says she has been unhappy for so long that she need a little happiness in her life. I do not have the right to hold her back, but I can’t help but feel this sense of doom in the pit of my stomach. I love her so and I am at a loss about what should I do.

– Is My Marriage Over?