First, let’s not make sweeping generalizations. When you say “guys just aren’t interested in commitment,” you mean the men you’ve met so far … on a few apps. You can’t speak for everyone. Try not to do all-or-nothing thinking.

Second, it’s a lot of pressure to go on a date with someone who’s looking for a partner for life and death. Yes, you want a companion for all of the big things, but can you let these early dates feel fun and light? You can’t replace a long-term spouse with someone who’s instantly as serious. A good relationship might feel very casual in the beginning, and if it’s working on both sides, you can watch it grow. A better philosophy might be, “I’m open to seeing where this could go.”

If you read the column, you know we get many letters from 30-year-olds about dating fatigue – about how difficult it can be to find the right match. It’s complicated at any age, and can feel very needle-in-haystack, especially with apps. Please have some patience. Try not to rush the process. People can sense “I’m want this now!’ vibes, even through a phone. If you accept that you might be single for a while and find some ways to enjoy that time, dating will feel less stressful, and you might have more success with it.

– Meredith

Readers? How do you find patience with this? Advice for dating when you know you want a serious partner?