I was with my husband for decades. He is a wonderful man, and I am still madly in love with him.

During COVID lockdown, we were navigating new territory and walking on eggshells, not knowing what to expect. He was working from home then, and I was thrilled to get an opportunity to practice what retiring and being home together would look like. 

During this time, I was a caretaker for my mother, going back and forth to her home. My husband had our home to himself. I noticed a bit of a quietness brewing with him. He seemed to be getting distant. I chalked it up to COVID isolation.

My mother passed away – and then I suffered another unexpected loss of someone in my community. Then, later that year, I came home to a note from my husband that said he was leaving.

I was completely blindsided. We expressed our love for each other everyday in actions, verbally, and in texts – right up to when I found the note. Not long after that, a lawyer contacted me about divorce. My husband was already gone – he is now living elsewhere.

I haven’t stopped crying. I am lost, broken, and see no happiness or future as I approach 70. I do not know what caused this abrupt action. At first I thought he had an illness because this was not the man I knew.

I’m also dealing with the financial challenges of divorce. It never seems to end. I had already lost some of the most important people in my life, who would have been my support system. I have a grown son, but he has his own life to lead. (He was blindsided, too).

I read your column daily. I share my story for a few reasons. First, we should teach our kids to act as adults – to give a partner the dignity and respect of having a difficult conversation in person. Second, “gray divorce” is a real thing that exploded as a result of COVID. I expect I am not alone, and many have experienced this. We need to feel it isn’t just us.

Hope this makes sense, and I thank you for listening.

– Help