My friend won't stop talking about her divorce

Thursday | February 5, 2026

Love Letters Divorce

My friend won’t stop talking about her divorce

Is there something on your mind about a relationship in your life? Send your own question. Help others wondering the same thing. Use the form – or email [email protected].

Hi Meredith,

I’m hoping you can help. I have a friend who is going through a separation/divorce and I am trying to be a good friend to her, and she’s also driving me nuts.

A little background: we have been friends for about eight years, not close friends, and we didn’t see each other for several years during the pandemic, but friendly enough. She started reaching out to hang out again this past spring when her marriage started to fall apart. We are both in our 30s. She has been married for several years and was with her husband for a few years before that. I always admired their relationship because I thought they seemed like a good match and I thought he was a very nice man.

Anyway, fast forward to now. They are in the process of getting a divorce. He is trying to pursue it, and she is of the mindset that she can somehow make it work and win him back. What has happened in our friendship now (and maybe was always happening and I didn’t notice it before?) is that she talks about herself, the divorce, and their relationship nonstop. I mean nonstop.

We met up for coffee a few months ago and I only had an hour and a half or so available; she spent more than the first hour talking about herself, her divorce, and her husband, and by the time she finally thought to ask about me, I had to leave.

Another time after that, she came over and spent the first 80 straight minutes talking about her marriage problems! I know what it’s like to be going through something painful and traumatic and needing someone to listen, so I have tried to be a good listener, but I’m also finding spending time with her to be incredibly draining, and I don’t think I’m getting much out of the friendship at all.

She is getting some professional help. I have tried listening quietly, I have tried offering advice. The last time we hung out, we did a joint activity that I thought would be distracting enough to put us into the present moment, but that also did not work. I feel like I’ve tried all the things. I want to be a friend, and I also need to take care of myself. So far I have not broached this with her directly, as I have not wanted to hurt her feelings (she talks about feeling abandoned and I don’t want to add to that).

I have my own life and problems, as we all do. The entire connection with her feels completely imbalanced and exhausting.

I have not shared any of this with her directly. The next time she reaches out to get together, I was thinking of telling her that I’ve been feeling like it’s imbalanced between us, and seeing what she says. I am torn because I want to be there for her, but this isn’t fair to me.

What would you do?

– Friendship

I like your plan. It’s possible that a conversation about the problems will reveal potential for a better friendship … or not.

You could say: “I care about you and want to be a supportive friend, but this relationship has turned into a one-way conversation about your marriage. We don’t talk about my life at all. We don’t stop to have fun and talk about other things.”

That last sentence is important. Friendship isn’t just about sharing problems and going through difficult times; it’s also supposed to involve bonding over memes, sports, TV shows, weather, music, and hobbies. It should be about fun stuff. Silly stuff. There has to be a break from the misery.

Your letter reminds me of some recent celebrity news (forgive me). I have not followed the Blake Lively/Justin Baldoni legal drama very closely. It’s a complicated case about what happened during and after the filming of their movie, “It Ends With Us.”

But recently, as part of the case, there were alleged text messages released between Lively and her friend Taylor Swift, where they discuss how their relationship has been affected by Lively’s ongoing problems.

I bring this up because I found myself reading these texts and thinking, “Huh, these two famous women are communicating in a clear and nice way as they make their way through an era of discomfort.”

For those who didn’t see this exchange, Lively (allegedly) basically asks Swift if everything’s OK, and offers an apology for talking about her problems so much. Lively says, “I felt like a bad friend lately because I was such a sad sack who only talked about my own [stuff] for months.” Lively thanks Swift for her support and says she wants to be a better friend.

Then Swift responds (allegedly) that Lively’s notes have felt formal. “… it feels awful to be in any way critical of any way you process what you’ve been going through but I just kinda miss my funny, dark, normal-speaking friend who talks to me as herself.” … “That’s just caused a little distance. And you don’t need to apologize. Just come back please.”

“Just come back please.” What a great line for a friend.

In your case, please consider whether there’s someone you miss – a version of your friend you wish would come back.

If so, wonderful. If not, maybe this conversation can lead to you finding distance … and giving yourself permission to let go.

– Meredith

Readers? What would you tell this friend? Do you think the friendship is one to save?

Something on your mind about a relationship in your life? Send your own question. Help others wondering the same thing. Use the form – or email [email protected].

Divorce

Featured Comment

You can be direct and kind at the same time, they are not opposites. It doesn’t have to be critical. Even just a simple “for a change of pace, let’s talk about anything but (divorce, relationships, men, whatever.” Or let’s take turns with updates, I’ll go first…”

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