Dear Meredith,

My ex-wife and I ended our 30 year marriage almost five years ago. I’d had extramarital affairs, and though she had been remarkably patient with my transgressions, her patience eventually wore out.

Soon after, we began seeing each other socially. We continue to enjoy each other’s company, have taken multiple trips, and regularly spend two or three days per week together. We sometimes hold hands while walking and give each other hugs, but that is the extent of our physical intimacy. She is sweet, smart, personable, amusing, interesting, and caring, and I have come to respect, admire, and love her even more than I did in the best years of our marriage.

Through therapy and introspection I have learned a great deal about myself, including why I behaved as I did. I am now ready for a loving, committed, intimate relationship and am certain that I can enter into one with no chance of repeating my bad behavior. I have been involved in a couple relationships (which my ex is aware of), but none has lasted more than a few months. I find that I’d rather spend time with my ex in a non-intimate relationship than have an intimate relationship with anyone else.

I’m trying to figure out what to do now. Should I stop seeing my ex and settle for a relationship with someone who doesn’t compare, or stick with her in hopes that she might eventually reciprocate my feelings?

– Confused