How to deal with family conflicts at a wedding

Thursday | April 17, 2025

Love Letters Divorce

How to deal with family conflicts at a wedding

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Recommendation for a bride-to-be, wedding in October. Parents are going through a divorce, her mom is contesting the separation agreement, court date this summer about the house.

Bride has placed herself in the middle by agreeing to testify for her mom. She could have waited for a judge to decide and then force the sale or purchase.

The mortgage company required the agreement to remove her mom’s name from the house deed. The mom’s lawyer asked her dad not to discuss the divorce with bride, springtime last year. He was perplexed by the comment.

Communication with her dad has been on-and-off. They weren’t talking for a bit. Long-distance cousins are very uncomfortable and feel this is not the way to begin a marriage or have a wedding.

What can we do to help? Right now distance is good. One person will lose at this court date, or it could get postponed again.

– October

Are you one of the cousins?

Regardless, the only answer is distance and respect. Not just now, but at the wedding.

Many families have to do an interesting dance – sometimes literally – around conflict at family events.

At a family member’s wedding in 2012, I was seated as far from my dad as humanly possible, and I was so grateful to the bride who arranged it that way. She could have forced close family to sit together at the venue, but she let us avoid each other. It made it easier to have a great time.

(My dad and I are OK now, by the way. He is visiting next weekend and I will take him to a museum.)

Please don’t punish the bride for any of her decisions. If she wants to support her mom, that’s her business. The idea that this “is not the way to begin a marriage or have a wedding” is nonsense, and has nothing to do with the people making a big commitment that day.

You can’t wait to plan a party until everyone’s getting along. I’m not sure it’ll be any easier a year from now.

Tell the relatives to be classy and nice to everyone. Smile and help others have fun. Tell the bride you love her. If you’re really confused about how to help, ask a friend of the bride (leave the couple out of it on the big day).

Separate your own feelings from the event. If you’re on Team Dad, you don’t have to prove it that night.

– Meredith

Readers? How have you dealt with family conflicts at weddings? Do people have to be nice to each other? How do you help the couple at the center of it?

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