Dear Meredith,

I met a man about 20 years ago. He was married at the time, and we remained friends all these years. We never held hands, never kissed, never even hugged – not crossing any lines, but often joked via text about sports and things. 

We cared about each other and very much wanted to be together but couldn’t. We lived in different states, but when he came to my state for work, we would go out to dinner. Fast forward to four years ago, and he told his wife during an argument that he wanted to be intimate with me and had a chance to make moves on me but didn’t. I had no idea this conversation between them ever happened or that he wanted to make moves.  

She got enraged and called me several times, yelling at me.  I had no idea what happened between them or what she was talking about. I finally called him and said that all contact between us needs to stop. Unbeknownst to me, he deleted my contact information. He went ahead and moved out. 

Fast forward to today, four years later, I was in the city where he works (in Massachusetts) and I called him. He was so happy to hear from me and told me all the details of his breakup – which he says I had absolutely nothing to do with. I believe him, as he was unhappy the entire marriage. He said the month before he joined an online dating service and just starting dating someone.  

Now that he is single, he has an opportunity to date me (he has been so into me for 20 years?), and now he has not even made any effort to see me, let alone date me. I’m totally surprised. Was he only wanting to have sex with me? Is he not that into me? 

I’d really like to date him. I still really like him and want to get to know him better and be in a relationship with him. We were friends for 20 years! Should I try to pursue him more? Ask him out to dinner? Should I just forget about him? I really want to be with him. What should I do going forward?  

– Torn girl from Massachusetts