Found someone from my past
Send your own letter here – or to [email protected]. I’m reading.
Q.
I have been divorced 30 years and recently googled my ex. His obit popped up and it seemed he died a few years ago.
I googled one of his friends who’d been in our wedding. We spoke over the phone then followed up next day with texts and voicemail. Adrenaline was racing, and there was mutual interest and attraction.
It was just before Christmas. Eventually he told me his year was so depressing that he suffered from major mental health issues. I decided to put the brakes on the feel-good hormones. He has teenage kids, and he’s only separated from his wife. There’s still a lot to work out in his marriage.
I haven’t heard back from him and I haven’t reached out either.
But I want to. Do I?
– Contact
A.
If you owe him a text, sure, go for it. But for now, consider this is a friendship.
If you don’t owe him a text, leave it alone. He told you his life is complicated right now. He didn’t ask for help or company.
This whole thing started with a google session that led to a fact-finding mission. I’m guessing you did all that because you want real connection right now. You’re trying to find people from your past because you’re seeking … something. Companionship.
You can find that without hopping into a time machine. It’s amazing how quickly we can develop a shared history with someone new. All you have to do is find the right people.
That’s not always easy, I know. But if you go out, join groups, volunteer – all the things we talk about here – your world starts to grow. Little by little.
My advice is to look for someone who’s available – and detached from your history. If you do reach out to this former friend one more time, let him know you’re around if he’s ever in good place to welcome company.
– Meredith
Readers? Do you reach out, even if someone’s dealing with a lot? I can see the other side of this – that when you reach out, odds are that everyone‘s in the middle of something. Can you give examples of reaching out to people in a way that paid off? Even if it was complicated?
Send your own letter here – or to [email protected]. I’m reading.
Be civil. Be kind.
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