My question revolves around whether or not I should give a guy another chance. This guy, “Bill,” also happens to be the father of my child, so the stakes are high.

We’ve known each other for about a decade and were friends for a long time before things got complicated. We had not been romantic for years, because we were both in long-term relationships/marriage, and he had kids. A few years back, Bill separated from his wife, we began to hang out more, and things evolved beyond friendship (I had broken up with a live-in boyfriend about a year prior). Long story short, I ended up getting pregnant and we decided to keep the baby. Mid-pregnancy, while I was out of town visiting a friend, Bill left me with no warning and moved back in with his estranged wife and his children. He said it was because they could not afford to be divorced, and upon hearing the news of my pregnancy, his wife threatened to take their kids across the country to live with her mother.

I understood his need to take care of his other kids, but felt completely abandoned. I went on to have the baby alone and have been a single mom ever since. Fast forward a few years and I finally got the courage to start dating again. At the beginning of this year, things started to become semi-serious with one guy, “Ted.” Then Bill totally freaked out and begged me to be with him. I told him that was not possible because he is not actually available, despite the lack of romantic involvement with his wife. He said that he was miserable, and that they could afford a divorce now. I told him that I would only consider it if he actually got divorced, got his own place again, and had a clear plan for how he would spend time with all the kids. It’s been a few months and so far nothing has changed. I did end up breaking up with Ted because I did not want to string him along while I was confused. I still have feelings for Bill despite the world of crap he put me, our kid, and his family through. Do I wait it out and see if Bill really changes? Or do I get back to moving on? This whole thing threw a wrench in my feeling normal again. It is also complicated by the fact that I will continue to see Bill no matter what happens, so he can see our child. I have full custody, and his wife doesn’t allow visitation at their home.

– What About Bill